A Journey into motherhood

I believe in telling the truth. Because it’s where connection lives, where we see ourselves mirrored in one another’s stories, where comfort and belonging reside. My motherhood journey started off quite shaky with a birth story that broke my heart and shook my confidence at a time when I needed it the most. Our son, who we named True, had a bit of a rough start as well with many uncomfortable weeks of what would eventually be diagnosed (and successfully treated) as infant reflux. Those early weeks were tender, vulnerable times filled with fierce love and fierce fear coexisting side by side.

These posts tell the story of a beautiful, messy, complicated journey into motherhood where, with baby True by my side, I eventually found my mama strength, confidence, and learned to live with a heart that is wide open.

* We announce that we’re pregnant.
* The truth about my first trimester.
16 weeks – a belly emerges.
Finding out the sex of our baby and why we really wanted to know.
* 24 weeks and completely loopy and delirious.
* Pregnancy burnout and realizing what’s at the center matters the most.
* On men and men.
* On being mothered, mothering, and becoming who we’re meant to be.  
* Finally sinking into my pregnancy, a heart-filled breakthrough
* Hilarious belly photos that still makes me chuckle today.
* The unlikely gifts that pregnancy photos gave me at 31 weeks
* 35 weeks and having a total meltdown.
* Thoughts on all the negative noise that comes with being pregnant
* 37 weeks belly shots
* On ruffle dresses, kindness, and the end of pregnancy
* Two days before True was born….

* True Elio Orlando is born.
* Week one: surrendering is surrendering.
* The new parents are the real baby birds, a guest post from my bff who was with us during week one.
* 10 days into mamahood, and I’m changed.
* Nothing is wasted: a lesson that carries me, still.
* Two weeks in, and birth grief kicks in.
* Embracing the wholeness of the experience, tears and all.
* Week 3: everything feels precious while we find our beautiful.
* Slowly finding our way…
* Week 6: claiming my mama instincts through a very rough patch of infant reflux misdiagnosed as colic
* First full day alone with baby True, and other big celebrations.
* Birthing new parts of myself: a layered experience.
* Week 8: I tell him that his heart will never be alone.
* The lesson keeps emerging with marriage, with art, and now with baby.
* Week 9: Oddly feeling more beautiful than ever before.
* Our first Christmas.
* Week 12: I share the story of my birth trauma and how it has changed everything for my life.

* True is 3.5 months and we’re smitten
* Realizing that everything, and I mean everything now has to be scheduled.
* Most important soul work ever: learning to hold the full breath of this experience
* Coping with lots of inspiration but no time or energy to do anything
*Learning what mama pride feels like
* Failing at managing all the roles, but happy to be lost
* True is 5 months old and we hired part time nanny and went out for lunch, just the two of us, for the first time. Bliss.
*The feeling of being lost as a new mama creeps in again.

* Leaning into the slower pace of life.
* Some thoughts on love + mothering on the eve of my first Mother’s Day as a mom
* It’s heart-breaking and heart-healing all at once.
* He is 8 months old and I’m finally to feel like I made my way to the other side of through.
* 10 mos old: Our first date night since baby was born, plus first words from baby.
* Missing my old body, feeling tired but having a couple photog friends capture something else entirely.
* The layers of parenthood run so deep: some thoughts on balancing, managing, and thriving.
* The guilt. The GUILT!
* And just like that, I’m a mama of a one year old.

* On now always being late, making big scheduling errors, and making one mistake after the next.
* This all feels worlds different from my life one year ago
* You weren’t kidding when you said babies are the most joyful, transformative gifts on the planet.
* On wanting to hit pause.
* Heaven on earth.
* Discovering the perfect description of motherhood - still reaches me today
* Just like that, the unfamiliar becomes utterly familiar as if I’ve always been a mama


 
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